MYUFPC CHAPTER 49
the only soft and lingering feeling in the man's heart
Zhan Yue had stumbled and bumbled his way through life until he reached his current age. In those twenty-five years, there had really been nothing that he absolutely had to have.
He had a vendetta he was determined to avenge, and a family name he was determined to restore. But he never thought that there would be someone in his life that he absolutely had to have.
The year he became a member of the Jinwu Guards, the Empress Pei passed away, and the entire nation mourned. Zhan Yue was fifteen at the time.
Fifteen was an age that hovered between maturity and youth. He was precocious in some ways, yet as dull as a child in others.
He had long since noticed his father's lukewarm attitude towards him, and the superficial kindness of his stepmother and elder sister-in-law, as well as the deep hostility that was ingrained in their bones.
Yet, when it came to matters of men and women, he was consistently uninterested. Ordinary men of fifteen years old could already take a wife, and the Old Madam Wen had tried several times to arrange a concubine for him, but Zhan Yue had found various reasons to decline.
After his mother’s death, Zhan Yue had wrapped himself up in a wall that was impenetrable. The loneliness and helplessness he had once experienced had vanished with the wind and rain, disappearing into the mud-plastered wall.
The little emotion that remained was like clouds and mist that could not be probed or touched. He was not accustomed to people being too close to him, he was not accustomed to having women involved in his life, and he was even less accustomed to living with someone day and night.
He thought he would live like this for the rest of his life.
On the fourth day after the Empress death, Zhan Yue was sent to guard the Qianqing Palace. During those few days, His Majesty's mood had been somewhat erratic due to the sudden loss of his Empress, and ordinary people were reluctant to approach him easily. Even the several Grand Secretaries left in a hurry after the court session ended.
It was not until near the hour of the Western Rooster that the first visitor arrived at the Qianqing Palace.
The visitor was really too young, and her body, clad in fine silk robes, still had a round and plump appearance.
Zhan Yue had just joined the Jinwu Guards and was not yet familiar with all the nobles in the palace. The one who was on guard with him today happened to be a young man from the Yongning Marquis family, nicknamed "Lü Liu" because he was the sixth son in his family. Lü Liu was a warm-hearted brother, and seeing that Zhan Yue did not know how to pay his respects, he took the initiative to remind him, "It's the Eldest Princess."
Zhan Yue raised his eyebrows slightly.
It was common knowledge that the Eldest Princess and the Fourth Prince in the palace were the children of the Empress. So, the little girl in front of him had just lost her mother?
Thinking about this, Zhan Yue looked at the Eldest Princess with a bit more scrutiny and seriousness.
Jiashan was six years old that year, a bit older than Zhan Yue when he lost his mother. She had a very fair face, with porcelain skin so tender it was almost comparable to freshly peeled egg whites.
She held one hand of Nanny Zheng, and in Zheng mama's arms was the Fourth Prince who had just learned to walk and talk. Due to an eye ailment, the Fourth Prince had started his education later than other children, and at the age of two, his speech was still unclear and intermittent.
At that moment, as he was held by Zheng mama, his small hand was waving in the air. Zhan Yue heard the Fourth Prince seem to call out something indistinctly.
He was too far away to hear clearly.
The next moment, he saw the Eldest Princess suddenly tiptoe and tugged at Zheng mama's sleeve.
"Mama, please put Yuan Kang down," the Eldest Princess's voice was childish, but her words were clear and distinct, with a hint of stubbornness that seemed to say, "wildfire cannot burn me out."
Her small face was serious, and her pink lips parted as she said, "If Father sees Yuan Kang like this when we go in, I'm afraid he will feel even more sad."
"We are here to comfort Father, don't let him have any more sorrow." The Eldest Princess stretched out her two arms, which were thin and short, like unopened lotus roots.
But Zhan Yue noticed that she extended her arms very straight, with firmness and strength.
The Eldest Princess said, "Give him to me, I'll carry Yuan Kang."
Zheng mama hesitated, and even Zhan Yue looked at the Eldest Princess with a bit of doubt.
Jiashan was only as tall as Zhan Yue's thigh at that time, and even if she was better developed than ordinary children, in Zhan Yue's eyes, she was only a little taller than a section of bamboo shoot.
Could she carry the Fourth Prince?
Zhan Yue's gaze was doubtful.
However, Zheng mama had already carefully handed the Fourth Prince to Jiashan.
The strength in Jiashan's arms was very steady. Zhao Youze seemed to notice that the person holding him had changed. With his two chubby little hands, he instantly wrapped around Jiashan's neck.
The two small children, after losing their mother, perhaps often depended on each other like this in their daily lives.
Jiashan seemed to sense something and softly comforted her younger brother, resting his small head on her shoulder.
"Please trouble the adults to inform them for me." Little Jiashan finally raised her face and looked at Zhan Yue, giving a proper smile.
Zhan Yue lowered his head to look at her, and beneath the princess's dignified appearance, he suddenly saw a pair of red and swollen eyes.
Her pupils were dark and round like a deer's, and the fine sweat on her delicate nose revealed how hard she was working to hold the Fourth Prince.
"Having lost her mother, she must still be very sad," Zhan Yue thought impulsively, "Isn't it the same for me?"
In Zhan Yue's mind, a vague memory of his own past surfaced.
The snowy night that had been deeply buried in his heart once again took over his thoughts.
However, before he could come up with a definite answer, Eunuch Chen, the attendant of the Qianqing Palace, came out personally and led Jiashan inside.
When everyone had completely gone far away and even the sound of footsteps could no longer be heard, Lü Liu, who was on duty with Zhan Yue, sighed sadly and said, "Alas, in this palace, how many people seem decent on the surface, but inside, they each have their own bitterness."
Upon hearing this, Zhan Yue did not reply but merely pursed his lips.
"Just like the Eldest Princess just now," Lü Liu's voice gradually lowered, "His Majesty may cherish her for a few years for the sake of the Empress. But when His Majesty establishes a new Empress in the future and the new Empress gives birth to a legitimate son, the Eldest Princess's days may become difficult. So, to be born into the imperial family... it's a pity."
The following words seemed to be taboo, and Lü Liu's tone became smaller and smaller until even his voice was completely inaudible.
Zhan Yue remained silent throughout, standing straight without interjecting. Half of his mind was still on the rosy-cheeked face from earlier.
In fact, Lü Liu was not wrong. His Majesty would definitely establish a new Empress, and the Fourth Prince was in that condition, so the Eldest Princess's future situation could be imagined.
Zhan Yue was not naturally empathetic, and his brain probably lacked the string called "sympathy." He would not sigh like Lü Liu, but he thought with a bit of regret—
They were so young yet had to be involved in such treacherous waters. As Lü Liu said, it was a pity.
However, it was just a pity.
There were so many pitiful people in the world, and Zhan Yue himself was already burdened with a mess. How could he spare his hands to care about others?
If you can't learn to be strong, perhaps you are destined to be defeated by weakness.
At that time, almost everyone, both inside and outside the court, believed that once a new empress was established, the emperor's affection for the Eldest Princess would inevitably be divided in half and given to the child born of the new empress.
Zhan Yue was no exception.
Some people watched with a sense of schadenfreude, wanting to see the Eldest Princess rise and fall. Others hoped that the little girl could stand up bravely and not be bullied by anyone.
However, no one expected that after so many years, not only was the position of the empress vacant, but the Eldest Princess was still as favored by the emperor as before.
She was like the most resilient bulrush. In the many years since the Empress's death, she had silently protected her younger brother and had always managed to maintain a flourishing presence in the emperor's heart.
Watching her grow up bit by bit, Zhan Yue probably didn't even notice himself. That fleeting glance from back then had slowly turned into a deep obsession at some point.
It had become the only soft and lingering feeling in the man's heart during his midnight dreams—he so wanted that strong and beautiful Eldest Princess.
He wanted to protect her and also wanted to rely on her.
Now, the long-held obsession had come true—
Zhan Yue's pupils involuntarily constricted, and he took a deep breath.
Jiashan beneath him had not yet experienced the pleasures of love, and her bright eyes still held a hint of youthful charm. Even before it had begun, Zhan Yue already felt a sense of satisfaction.
Every drop of blood flowing through his body was surging with excitement, filled with the most primitive physical desire.
Jiashan's hair was slightly damp, and seeing Zhan Yue's gaze still fixed on her, she called out in a slightly flustered voice, "Zhan Yanqing."
Zhan Yue hummed softly, his voice filled with a different kind of sensuality.
His upper body was already bare, and at this moment, after a day of hard work, his eyes inevitably revealed a lazy look.
He placed one hand on Jiashan's waist and held her in his arms in a half-hug.
As their lips parted, Jiashan's eyes were also a little hazy and dazed. Zhan Yue looked at her and couldn't help but lower his head and kiss her forehead.
He casually pulled up the quilt, and the quilt, embroidered with the auspicious pattern of a dragon and phoenix, instantly covered Jiashan's soft body.
"Princess," Zhan Yue said affectionately, "Jiashan is your title, do you have a nickname?"
Jia Shan didn't know how Zhan Yue could say such words without blushing or becoming flustered. Leaning against his rock-solid chest, she felt her face burning.
She trembled slightly and whispered, "Father named me Ling jiang."
"Ling jiang," Zhan Yue smiled, his hand tightening around hers beneath the quilt, their fingers intertwined intimately. He said, "His Majesty wants my princess to be a talented woman like Xie Dao'yun."
Xie Dao'yun, the most famous talented woman of the Eastern Jin Dynasty, was Xie An's niece. Her famous line, "It's not as good as willow catkins rising with the wind," made the name of the Xie family women renowned throughout the land.
Unfortunately, Xie Dao'yun had a tragic later life. During a civil uprising in the late Eastern Jin Dynasty, her husband Wang Ningzhi died prematurely, and she remained unmarried for the rest of her life.
Looking into Jiashan's eyes, Zhan Yue said, "I won't be the short-lived Wang Ningzhi. I want to grow old with you."
Jiashan's breathing quickened for a moment, and she turned her head away.
But Zhan Yue cupped her face with one hand, not allowing her to escape.
His fingertips unconsciously traced the outline of her petal-like lips. He smiled and said, "Princess, you seem to have never been so nervous before."
"You're so cute," Zhan Yue said.
Teasing her like this, Jiashan bit her lip lightly and hit Zhan Yue hard.
However, he was already naked, and Jiashan's hand suddenly hit Zhan Yue's chest, cold and unexpected. Her fingers were soft, and the touch made his whole body flinch.
Realizing what she had touched, Jiashan could barely breathe. Her mouth was dry, and she struggled for a moment, closing her eyes and saying, "It's so hot."
"Then what do we do?" Zhan Yue looked at her sideways, as if genuinely asking for her opinion.
Jiashan stared at him quietly for a moment, her face flushed. She said softly, "If you stay away from me, it won't be hot."
Zhan Yue chuckled softly. He leaned down and kissed her cheek gently. He persisted, "But I don't want to stay away from you."
"If I get a little closer," Zhan Yue said, his pupils dark as he leaned into her era, "Would that be alright?"
"If I say no, will it be okay?" Jiashan's red lips moved slightly, her eyes gradually becoming moist. She whimpered softly.
"How could the prescription work if it's not good?" Zhan Yue's warm lips moved from her cheek to her round earlobe. His breath was hot, and his voice was deliberately lowered and soft.
He directly took Jiashan's earlobe between his lips: "Princess, don't you want me to sleep in the next room?"
"Zhan Yanqing..."
Jiashan was ticklish, and every inch of her skin was very sensitive. Being treated like this by him, she couldn't help but look at him with affection, her voice a mix of resentment and coquettishness.
Zhan Yue's eyes were so bright in the night that they were almost startling. He coaxed her softly, "Don't be afraid."
"Don't be afraid, my princess." Zhan Yue repeated.
Jiashan couldn't stand his wolfish behavior. Thinking about how she had lived two lives while he was just a novice, Jiashan hummed softly in defiance.
Her hum made Zhan Yue's eyes deepen. That instinctive, almost primal desire to not be challenged, which every man possesses, surged up in him.
He suddenly tightened his grip on Jiashan's slender white wrist and lowered his head to kiss her deeply.
His movements were clumsy, but his tongue was nimble. He kissed Jiashan until she couldn't help but let out a moan from the back of her throat.
This moan seemed to be an affirmation. Zhan Yue's eyes were deep. The fragmented sounds from Jiashan's lips were soon drowned out by the tingling sensations that ran through her body.
At first, she felt pain and bit her lip. Later, however, Jiashan actively wrapped her arms around his neck.
She closed her eyes slightly and, following his breath, left a kiss on the corner of his lips.
"Ling jiang..."
In the end, Zhan Yue no longer called her Princess but used her given name. His usually calm emotions became suddenly intense that night.
His eyes were filled with dark fire as he kissed her forcefully yet gently.
Zhan Yue's face was fair, and his arms were like iron hoops. He held Jiashan tightly in his arms until the middle of the night.